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nursemay VIP


We’ve all been there. Sitting alone, upset, rejected, wondering, “what the heck just happened?” That’s where I was at the end of my last relationship. The sad thing was, I knew exactly what had happened, and I knew I could have stopped it.

It had all started nearly a year and a half ago. One Friday night, while I was with a friend at a party, I spotted this gorgeous guy from across the room – 6’2” with beautiful big brown eyes and a smile that was infectious. My friend and I giggled at the thought of talking to him. After a few minutes of her badgering me to “make a move,” I mustered up all the courage I had to talk to him. I shyly started sauntering over, trying desperately to think of some ridiculous excuse to talk to him, and when I got there, all I could think of to say was, “Uh, I like your shoes.” Did I really just say that?! For some reason he found this endearing and smiled. After that, by some miracle, we hit it off.

Soon following that fateful Friday night, we had our first date, and by the end of it, I knew he was perfect for me. Within a week, I had fallen madly in love with him. Within two months, we were planning a future together. It was a bit of a whirlwind romance, but neither of us seemed to mind. We had an amazing relationship; it wasn’t perfect, but we were happy. However, as you know, this story doesn’t have a happy ending.

The trouble began a few months into our relationship. We had seen each other every single day since we had started dating, and by this point, we were extremely comfortable with each other. In fact, it was almost like we were just extensions of each other. I had stopped seeing us as individuals but more as a unit, like those celebrities with combined names, “Brangelina.” We stopped having meaningful conversations, and the topics we spoke about all ended up being the same, “hey, how was your day?” Like I didn’t already know what he had been doing all day. But, we were always together, so that must mean we were still close, right? As it turns out, just being near someone, doesn’t mean you’re actually interacting with them. Nothing had really changed about our relationship, and yet it was completely different. We were still doing the same things, going out to dinner downtown, going to the movies, holding hands, kissing, and yet none of those things held the same meaning anymore. We did all those things out of routine and no longer out of desire to spend meaningful quality time with one another. We even acknowledged this at one point in time, but we didn’t think much of it, after all, we were so close. We couldn’t possibly be falling apart.

One day, while browsing, I stumbled upon a blog by Dr. Lisa Firestone. This blog discussed something called a fantasy bond, which is, in essence, when two people have an illusion of connection but who are no longer truly in love. I knew, right then and there, my boyfriend and I were in a fantasy bond; we were no longer really in love. My world shattered. After this revelation, I did everything in my power to try to get our relationship back on track. We struggled with it for months, we even broke up and got back together in the process, but all that effort was in vain. Our relationship had fallen victim to the fantasy bond, and we only had ourselves to blame. It was over. When we broke up he admitted he just didn’t love me anymore. That hurt, but it didn’t hurt nearly as much as knowing that I played my part in getting to that point. I had unknowingly actively engaged in turning our relationship into a fantasy bond.

It has been a few months now since our break up, and I’m finally getting back on my feet. I have hope that one day I’ll find someone I can have a healthy relationship with, because now, I know how to keep my next relationship from turning into a fantasy bond.
xxSamanthaxx


I’ve been thinking a lot lately about giving up dating, and more – giving up on the idea that there is someone out there for me.

I’m 27, and  the thing I wanted most in the world was to fall in love — the stay-up-talking-about-everything-and-anything, close-down-the-bar, always-know-you’re-in-my-corner kind of love, but it just hasn’t ever happened.

I’ve had relationships. I was married for three years to a good person who tried very hard to be a good husband. He was loyal, honest, dependable, and funny. I loved him in large part because I felt like he was the kind of guy I should marry. And I bent over backward to be the good wife. I made elaborate dinners and sewed curtains and kept track of appointment. And I followed his career at the expense of my own in a tough cross-country move. But in the end, the nagging feeling that he just didn’t get me, didn’t understand or appreciate my needs, blew up when I finally realized how suffocated I felt by a role that just wasn’t right for me. I couldn’t bring myself to have kids in a marriage where doing so would obliterate any chance I had to build something for myself.

I’ve been divorced for two years, I’ve been single ever since. one year ago, I had a baby on my own. Before my daughter was born, I had this feeling of being untethered, as if I could float away and it wouldn’t really make that much of a difference to anyone. Now I feel that my love for my daughter grounds me and gives a center to my life. She's amazing and it was the right choice for me.

At the same time, I’m still me. And the longing for a companion, someone to talk to and share jokes with and be in my corner and get me, has not gone away. Plus, I miss sex and physical affection a lot. About two months ago, I decided I was ready to start dating again. But I don’t think I was really prepared . Ghosting after a few dating sites, I joined DominoDate . There was one guy a few weeks ago that I liked a lot and had three dates with, but then he told me I was great but it wasn’t what he was looking for.

bethward.

Image result for giving flower on a date pics


Yes, women love flowers. But it’s a gesture that should be kept for the third or fourth date. This way, you know more about her and what she likes. She may be allergic to flowers or have pets/children in the house that might eat the flowers and fall ill. By waiting to give her flowers, you have the opportunity to find out this information.

 

Ideally, you should only bring flowers when you’re picking her up at her house. This way, she has the ability to put them away as well. Most people don’t consider these issues when they think about making a good first impression. Of course, there are other ways to make a good impression on the first date, but flowers aren’t on the list. The best gift for a first date is something small and inexpensive. It should be something she’s already shown an interest in. This is because it shows you pay attention/care and that you’re not playing games.

Chessie VIP

How on earth are you supposed to answer these questions?


“When are you going to find someone nice and get married?”


Probably next year, maybe on the last Saturday in April, if my crystal ball is accurate. Related to:


“Why are you still single?”


O.M.G. There just isn’t a good answer for this one although I’ve been tempted to say things like ‘Because I look at other people’s marriages and none of them make me want to tie the knot myself’. What I usually say is ‘How many nice, straight, single 30/40-something guys do YOU know?’

Another one:    


“When are you going to have babies? You’d be such a good mom / you aren’t getting any younger, you know.

Jeeeeeeepers… this one drives me crazy. Just because YOU have kids, doesn’t mean everyone else (a) wants them and (b) can have them. Oh and thanks for pointing out that I’m nearly over the hill.

So many people struggle with fertility these days, that you’d think people wouldn’t be so tactless. And asking this of a single person is even worse… I mean, are we just supposed to go out and get ourselves knocked up, to become single mothers? I have friends who are single who are desperate for children, but don’t have the (emotional and financial) resources to go it alone. This kind of question is like a knife through their hearts.

And as for those of us who prefer to remain child free, well… admit that to these people and you’ll be given a look of horror. How could you not want little snot-nosed, screaming darlings?

If you have any snappy answers for these questions, please share them in the comments. I could do with some good comebacks
Louise1992xxx VIP

My friend has been dating a new guy for a month and it was going well. He’s emotionally mature, good looking, financially stable, fun and treats her well. They had two activities planned for the weekend near his home, an hour away from her.

He invited her to stay overnight so she didn’t have to drive back and forth. His guest room was offered as an option so she said yes.

As they hung out the first day, the conversation drifted toward sex. Then he made this disclosure.

He had herpes.

My friend had never been with anyone with herpes so didn’t know how to react. She asked him questions. How frequent were his outbreaks? Would he always wear a condom? (Yes.) She realized she didn’t know enough to ask more questions. She told him she wasn’t ready to have sex with him and would have to learn more about the disease. They had a great sex-free weekend.

When she shared this conversation, I sent her to the Centers For Disease Control site. I also suggested she discuss it with her doctor as I was certainly no expert.

Her challenge is what to do next. She will educate herself, of course, and discuss the issue with him. One report I said said that the majority of non-infected partners get herpes even when using protection. That’s not a path she wants to go down. She hates to give up a great guy, but she also doesn’t want to be infected. And she doesn’t want a sexless relationship.

Have you been in a relationship with someone with herpes? How did you decide to keep seeing him — or not — if he was a great guy? What advice would you give someone in my friend’s situation?

LucySeymour VIP

Good hot cocoa and good sex can both be delicious and satisfying. When each is good, it puts a smile on your face. You feel warm and happy afterwards. You often want more. When shared with someone you care about, they are fun and a great way to spend some time and you don’t say no when either is proposed.

However, hot cocoa without sugar is unsatisfying. In fact, it’s bitter and unpleasant.

So is sex without trust and an emotional connection — at least for most midlife women. This is the key component — the sugar — that makes it delightful.

Yes, there are women who can frolic without the need for any emotional bond. However, nearly all the midlife women I’ve talked to say they need that for satisfying sex.

So when a new guy said he was sexually attracted to me, I thanked him for the compliment. (Even though I know it doesn’t take much for some men to be sexually attracted to lots of women.) I said I found him attractive, too, but it took more than physical attraction for me to want sex with a man.

After we parted, I came up with the metaphor. It might have helped that I’d had hot cocoa with this man. I wished I’d come up with it when we were together as I think it would have explained my perspective.

What do you feel is the critical ingredient for satisfying sex?


Guesswho8 VIP
Bank Note, Dollar, Usd, Us-Dollar, Money, Funds, Bills


I recently started dating a girl. We really enjoy each other’s company and we get along fine. We’re really into each other and we share many commonalities. There’s only one issue – money! After seven dates, I seem to be doing most of the paying (as per usual when a man is courting a woman). A few weeks ago, she asked me if I wanted to go see a concert which was $99 per ticket. I wasn’t interested in going and told her so. In the end, she never went. Was she seriously expecting me to pay for both tickets? Nearly $200! On one date I paid for two coffees and later on for a pizza. She should have offered to pay for the pizza. She did buy me a drink on one date (hooray) and she bought a fast food meal on another (hooray) but for the most part, I’ve done most (90%) of the paying.

On our most recent date, we had organised to go to the movies. I told her, prior to meeting her, to go to the supermarket to buy some popcorn or chocolate because it’s cheap. She told me she was happy to buy the popcorn at the movies. When I got there, I walked up to the counter to pay for two movie tickets and she was at the bar buying herself a drink. We then sat down and she said she had forgotten to ask if I wanted a drink. (How could she forget to offer me a drink? She saw me buying the movie tickets.) I declined, but then after five minutes, I said to her that I’d have that drink anyway. So she bought me a drink. She did end up buying the popcorn and chocolate from the supermarket, so we had them during the movie. After the movie, we decided to go for coffee. Guess who paid for this? I don’t mean to sound cheap, but she should have paid for the coffees. In fact, she should have paid for the movie tickets because the previous week I had paid for dinner.

This isn’t the first woman that I’ve had to spend money on. There’ve been others, of course. I’ve heard complaints from friends and other men about women NOT offering to pay. And you know what? I’m tired of it. Men are tired of it.

I’ve paid off my mortgage (she doesn’t know this) but earn an average salary. She’s got a big mortgage but earns slightly more than I do. But that’s not the point. Men and women are equal, right? A lot of women are more highly educated and many make more money than the males. Right? Women have purses with cash and credit cards in them. Right? These women are not poor or helpless or dependent. I think I’m right.

I don’t know how women get this old-fashioned mindset, but it’s really starting to annoy me. Personally, I work just as hard as any woman does for my money and I don’t find it fair. I just don’t want any woman getting the idea that I’m OK with it or that she can take advantage. I don’t want to be her ATM.

It would be nice if a woman offers to pay more often for a change. It’s about being appreciated and not taken advantage of. I am not cheap, but at the same time, I am not made of money. Does it make me a bad person to be thinking this way? I am a liberal, progressive thinker, and this traditional old-fashioned mindset seems backwards to me.

Where is it written that men have to pay on dates? Why can’t the man and woman split the bill or take it in turns? Aren’t men and women equal? How do I mention this to her without sounding cheap? — Not an ATM

Guesswho8 Jul 11 '19 · Tags: dominodate, money, bills, dates
jenna_mx

I don’t know if I should have sex. Over a six-month period he’s broken up with me on 4 occasions due to my celibate status. I am recently divorced, but a practicing Catholic observing chastity and trying to date. Currently the guy I am in love with is demanding fellatio under the guise that it is not sex. I love him so much, but I’m uncomfortable. I also feel disrespected for him ask for this as our first sexual encounter. For starters, I am not good at it and I worry that he is taking advantage. I am scared to dissent you see. He is putting a lot of pressure on me and only talks around this subject if he texts back at all. I am doing all the pursuing apparently and its been via texts where I’m practically begging for us to retain at least some form of friendship if nothing else.


Image result for a boyfriend dumped his girlfriend pics


I feel lost without him. A month ago he disappeared, yep! He swore never to reply my texts or calls ever again and told me to move on with my life. I don’t know if his demands for sex are normal or if I need saving. Please help!


jenna_mx Jul 9 '19 · Tags: dominodate, sex, brokeup
Bla VIP
See the source image


Mine is a weird story but I’m thinking now that my guy falls into this category. He broke up with me over text, first of all. We are both in our later years so this, in my opinion, is very rude at any age.

 

He came on strong at first, started betting busy with his life, then texted me he can no longer date as his 17 year old is going through issues that he would not discuss. He said something about depression and suicide counseling.

 

We had only dated for 3 months and I get the issues but he claimed to love me and that I was the “woman of his dreams”.

 

My question is would you dump the girl of your dreams if your life got hard and your kid needed some guidance and support? I would have expected some down time but dumped? I got a sweet card that said nice things about being in his heart and I ran into him the other day and he seemed sad but I just don’t get it. Am I being selfish? Was he simply emotionally unavailable or is this a normal response?


Bla Jul 9 '19 · Tags: dominodate, love, heart broken
HLo VIP

Image result for couple lying in bed pics bank

Sex with a new guy you’ve just started dating can be a bit of a slippery slope. There’s usually a fear that women face, the fear of potentially losing our power once laying bare with him. Will he call again? Will instant messages with him remain the same or will you start double texting, only to be met with a 5 hour delayed response of, “Oh sorry, I’ve only just seen this.

There will always be clear signs that a man only wants to be involved with you for sexual pleasure, this can be by the way he speaks to you and EXACTLY by what he does.


Is he always dropping sexual innuendos? Is he constantly asking to see nude photos/videos? Does he ask who you live with early on, when it had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation? Is HE sending YOU nude photos of himself on Snapchat? Or slipping in inappropriate comments half the time you speak? Does he pop up every 3 months to ask if you’re still with your boyfriend?

Everything I’ve just listed are clear indicators that he’s trying to fuck you, he might eventually like you, but at this present time, he’s trying to hit.


Then, there are the ones who don’t make it their mission to be so overt with what they’re after. You’ll be taken out on dates, spoilt and develop a great foundation of friendship, yet the only aim he has, is to try and have sex with you.


Most women make the mistake of assuming that sex means they get to live happily ever after with this man, or that it’d bring them closer.

It’s not true. Not even if you’re a virgin.


Having sex with someone will never guarantee you as a permanent person in their life romantically, well, unless you’re after a situationship. That’s why it’s important to remember to only have sex for yourself, not because you believe it’ll keep him, not because your friends suggested you should, but because you want to.


I remember when I once slept with a guy I was dating. I always knew that at the back of my mind I wanted to be intimate with him eventually, regardless of where it went with us and that I’d be perfectly fine if things didn’t work out. Would I have preferred if it did? Perhaps. But I did it because I felt a sexual attraction. I couldn’t force something which wasn’t there for the sake of sex. I would have been cheating myself and wasting my own time.


It’s also important to highlight that if you’re a person who can only have sex with someone you’d like to be in a committed relationship with, then explain this to the person you’re dating. It still won’t guarantee anything, but if you’re dating a decent human being, it gives them the opportunity to be transparent with you, but don’t be fooled, because some men will ask to exclusively date you just so they can sleep with you.


Sex can change the narrative of a relationship, but that’s why it’s vital to not rush the sexual side till you’re 100% comfortable on how it could possibly turn out. If you feel like there is a connection, sometimes you might have to withhold sex just to be sure. Yes, I said, withhold sex.


This doesn’t mean that sleeping with a guy during the third month will keep him interested, but instead it allows you to find out what his game really is.


This isn’t to say that men who are relationship oriented don’t exist, they do, but it’s not as common to hear men say they can only get into bed with a woman they’re in a commitment with.




HLo Jul 5 '19 · Tags: dominodate, relationship, sex
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