User blogs

Where is it written that men have to pay on dates? Why can’t the man and woman split the bill or take it in turns? Aren’t men and women equal? How do I mention this to her without sounding cheap? — Not an ATM

I don’t know if I should have sex. Over a six-month period he’s broken up with me on 4 occasions due to my celibate status. I am recently divorced, but a practicing Catholic observing chastity and trying to date. Currently the guy I am in love with is demanding fellatio under the guise that it is not sex. I love him so much, but I’m uncomfortable. I also feel disrespected for him ask for this as our first sexual encounter. For starters, I am not good at it and I worry that he is taking advantage. I am scared to dissent you see. He is putting a lot of pressure on me and only talks around this subject if he texts back at all. I am doing all the pursuing apparently and its been via texts where I’m practically begging for us to retain at least some form of friendship if nothing else.

I feel lost without him. A month ago he disappeared, yep! He swore never to reply my texts or calls ever again and told me to move on with my life. I don’t know if his demands for sex are normal or if I need saving. Please help!

Mine is a weird story but I’m thinking now that my guy falls into this category. He broke up with me over text, first of all. We are both in our later years so this, in my opinion, is very rude at any age.

He came on strong at first, started betting busy with his life, then texted me he can no longer date as his 17 year old is going through issues that he would not discuss. He said something about depression and suicide counseling.

We had only dated for 3 months and I get the issues but he claimed to love me and that I was the “woman of his dreams”.

My question is would you dump the girl of your dreams if your life got hard and your kid needed some guidance and support? I would have expected some down time but dumped? I got a sweet card that said nice things about being in his heart and I ran into him the other day and he seemed sad but I just don’t get it. Am I being selfish? Was he simply emotionally unavailable or is this a normal response?

Sex with a new guy you’ve just started dating can be a bit of a slippery slope. There’s usually a fear that women face, the fear of potentially losing our power once laying bare with him. Will he call again? Will instant messages with him remain the same or will you start double texting, only to be met with a 5 hour delayed response of, “Oh sorry, I’ve only just seen this.

There will always be clear signs that a man only wants to be involved with you for sexual pleasure, this can be by the way he speaks to you and EXACTLY by what he does.

Is he always dropping sexual innuendos? Is he constantly asking to see nude photos/videos? Does he ask who you live with early on, when it had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation? Is HE sending YOU nude photos of himself on Snapchat? Or slipping in inappropriate comments half the time you speak? Does he pop up every 3 months to ask if you’re still with your boyfriend?

Everything I’ve just listed are clear indicators that he’s trying to fuck you, he might eventually like you, but at this present time, he’s trying to hit.

Then, there are the ones who don’t make it their mission to be so overt with what they’re after. You’ll be taken out on dates, spoilt and develop a great foundation of friendship, yet the only aim he has, is to try and have sex with you.

Most women make the mistake of assuming that sex means they get to live happily ever after with this man, or that it’d bring them closer.

It’s not true. Not even if you’re a virgin.

Having sex with someone will never guarantee you as a permanent person in their life romantically, well, unless you’re after a situationship. That’s why it’s important to remember to only have sex for yourself, not because you believe it’ll keep him, not because your friends suggested you should, but because you want to.

It’s also important to highlight that if you’re a person who can only have sex with someone you’d like to be in a committed relationship with, then explain this to the person you’re dating. It still won’t guarantee anything, but if you’re dating a decent human being, it gives them the opportunity to be transparent with you, but don’t be fooled, because some men will ask to exclusively date you just so they can sleep with you.

Sex can change the narrative of a relationship, but that’s why it’s vital to not rush the sexual side till you’re 100% comfortable on how it could possibly turn out. If you feel like there is a connection, sometimes you might have to withhold sex just to be sure. Yes, I said, withhold sex.

This doesn’t mean that sleeping with a guy during the third month will keep him interested, but instead it allows you to find out what his game really is.

This isn’t to say that men who are relationship oriented don’t exist, they do, but it’s not as common to hear men say they can only get into bed with a woman they’re in a commitment with.

We were attracted to each other. We got along together quite well. We had similar hobbies, similar senses of humor, liked the same shows, etc. We both wanted to have sex, and her husband hadn't touched her in years.

I did it because she was hot and she wanted to fuck. I didn't feel bad about it because I was single and didn't do anything wrong. Her relationship with her husband is between the two of them and it is not my job to police someone else's activities.

I did feel bad about it, but I'd do it again. Yes, I understand that I am hurting the husband, but I'm not really part of the marital equation. If she wasn't cheating with me, it would just be someone else. Eventually her husband started showing her affection again, and I met someone in in GA that I really clicked with, so we went on with our lives. We still talk every now and then.

I went to Cape Town in South Africa, last spring. I went to some clubs and bars, and ended up hooking up several times in the 10 days or so there, but one night was very memorable.

I was at a bar and these girls start talking to me.I hooked up with three of them that night. One took me to the bathroom and gave me head, but didn’t finish as her jaw hurt. Afterwards, I took two of her friends to my hotel. I almost had a third, the two wanted her to come, but she was terrified of my cock so only a threesome. I have to say, I prefer one on one, but it was a bucket list check mark. There was a lot of sex....

I was never one of those people who wandered around in a stupor until they'd had their morning coffee. I like coffee. I drink a lot of coffee, but I didn't need the caffeine to wake me up. I often don't even have coffee in the morning.

I've also said that I am both a morning person and a night person, the kind of person who stays up past midnight working on one project or another, and then bounds out of bed at 6 or 7 raring to go.

But lately that has not been the case. I discover it takes me some time to "come to" when I wake up, and often "coming to" involves going back to sleep. While 6 a.m. has been my standard morning wake-up time for many years it is now closer to 9 or 10 and Kendall may have made a pot of coffee and fed the dog (bless her), put away the dishes from the night before and has half the paper read before I let the world know I'm ready to face it.

This morning, I stumbled out of my recliner and groggily hobbled to the bathroom and when my sister met me at the kitchen afterwards it was with (it seemed) a barrage of things she was eager to tell me. I just growled at him that I'd only been up 2 minutes and needed my coffee first.

This is such a strange "me" I hardly know her. But I guess she's the older version of "me" that I'm comfortable with. Let me have a cup of coffee (even reheated) and I slowly start to come back to life and be fit for polite society.

I'm also not the person, as a general rule, who takes a whole day to binge watch something on TV, now there were a few notable exceptions these days over the weekends doing those things.

Saturday I started watching NCIS-LAand it was a chunk of NCIS-LAhistory that I don't remember watching before. I was just going to watch onemore but the cliffhanger made me watch the next one...and the next one....and before I knew it, the day was gone.

Sadly, somehow they skipped the one episode that wrapped up the particular situation I was watching, but that's OK.

I remember the first time Svend and I exchanged “I love you’s”:

We’d been (long-distance) dating for about eight months, seeing each other for a weekend maybe once every two to three weeks. I’d felt love for a couple months, but I didn’t feel in a rush to say it. Part of that was because I was aware that these weekends we spent together, although romantic and fun and exciting, weren’t real life and I wanted to make sure my feelings were real, and not based on some fantasy I’d created from this whirlwind courtship. Anyway, about eight months into said courtship, I was visiting Drew in Manhattan for the weekend and was waiting for the bus to take me to the airport where I’d catch a plane back to Chicago. These good-byes were feeling more and more… heavy, and we’d just started talking about when and if the long-distance part of our relationship might transition into something that didn’t require air travel to maintain. As the bus pulled up, Drew pulled me in for a hug and whispered “I love you” into my ear. I said it back and then I boarded for another commute home. (It took about another ten or eleven months before I moved and the long-distance part of our relationship was done for good.)

so today I say: Life is short; tell people you love them (but, you know, maybe not on the first date…).

I remember the first time Svend and I exchanged “I love you’s”:

We’d been (long-distance) dating for about eight months, seeing each other for a weekend maybe once every two to three weeks. I’d felt love for a couple months, but I didn’t feel in a rush to say it. Part of that was because I was aware that these weekends we spent together, although romantic and fun and exciting, weren’t real life and I wanted to make sure my feelings were real, and not based on some fantasy I’d created from this whirlwind courtship. Anyway, about eight months into said courtship, I was visiting Drew in Manhattan for the weekend and was waiting for the bus to take me to the airport where I’d catch a plane back to Chicago. These good-byes were feeling more and more… heavy, and we’d just started talking about when and if the long-distance part of our relationship might transition into something that didn’t require air travel to maintain. As the bus pulled up, Drew pulled me in for a hug and whispered “I love you” into my ear. I said it back and then I boarded for another commute home. (It took about another ten or eleven months before I moved and the long-distance part of our relationship was done for good.)

so today I say: Life is short; tell people you love them (but, you know, maybe not on the first date…).

If you remember your first “I love you’s”? Or, if you’re currently single, maybe you have a memory from a former relationship?

Even though he never needed, wanted or asked for it. I gave him my heart, I gave him my soul, and I gave to him all the love that I hold within me. I gave him my respect and understanding. I gave him my compassion and my passion; I gave him faithfulness. I gave him my laughter; I opened my heart like never before and let him know my fears and insecurities, my strengths and weaknesses. I gave him my dreams and made him dreams mine.

I gave him my encouragement and my undying belief in him. I made him my future. If I could love him forever, that wouldn’t be long enough. All these things I give to him freely, willingly and without regret, because of my love for him, and they shall always remain his for no-one else is worthy.

But I know now that I have to try hard to move past him, because of the way he affects my everyday thoughts. I know that I have to quit hoping that I will ever get to hold or kiss him again. I don’t want to wake up anymore, in the middle of the night, thinking about him and not being able to get back to sleep.

The feeling I get in my heart drives me to the point of absolute insanity for now I see him without me. I need to fill that hole in my soul that I carry with me, from losing him, but I know that it will never go away. Love doesn’t work that way.

I need to know what it takes for me not to see him perfectly made face in my heart every time, even when he is not around, I still see him as if he is sitting right next to me. Oh! his beautiful smile, exquisite laugh and perfect body. My heart remains lifeless at the thought of permanently losing his smile, the sound of his laughter, his tears, his scent, his belief in me, his encouragement and the unending compassion that lies in his heart.

You see, I finally learned what real love is and the pain it can bring, and that real love is defined through his every day smile. If you ever find that ability to love and care for someone that much, where each waking day is better than the previous one only because he is still a part of your life, and no matter what happens or what your station in life is, be it rich or poor, love given or withdrawn that nothing can change your heart, because you love someone unconditionally then and only then shall you truly know where real strength and love come from.

I wish God found me worthy to be the head of his heart but I can’t take back what’s in my heart or all the feelings that go with it now, or the fact that every good thing I am today or was capable of becoming, I owe to him and leave with him. Real love is a rare and wonderful thing, and as with most rare things, very hard to hang on to and believe it is truly yours.

It’s not just saying the words; it’s when you cradle that person’s face in your hands and look them in the eyes as your heart beat races and say to them “no, I really mean it, I truly love you

Sometimes we are in relationships where we are not treated well. In fact, sometimes we find ourselves in relationships where we are treated terribly- our goals undermined, our confidence ridiculed. To that, we offer you words of wisdom from Lady Gaga herself. If she’s been there, we all have.

Quoted in NY Daily News back in 2010 she stated, “I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.”

And look at where she is now. On. Top. Of. The. World. BOOM.

Xoxo